Six

Girl friends.

Aren’t they the best ever? I think they can be when you have the right mix of women. It seems like it’s getting harder and harder for me to find gals that I click with and that want to make the effort to keep the friendship going. I’ve had lots of great friends that I’ve let go because no matter how hard I tried to keep the friendship alive, they didn’t reciprocate. It’s very frustrating and has made me very miserable at times.

Right now, I don’t have any good girlfriends. I have some friends who are fun to hang out with once in a while, but as time goes on, I’m finding I have less and less in common with them. I have been feeling like I need some good girlfriends that I can go have fun with a lot more lately. The only problem is that I’m pretty shy so it’s harder for me to make friends and form lasting friendships than most people. So I started a meetup group for women who want to build friendships but are also shy and have the same problems with other women being, well, flaky.

I have found a few gals in the group that I get along with really well and I really look forward to spending more time with them, but I am not sure if they feel the same way. I’m not sure what I need to do to be confidant that I will be able to find some good girl friends.

Do you have a group of girl friends that you love spending time with? How do you let them know that you like spending time with them and want to get to know them better? Let me know your opinion in the comments!

Five

Sick.

I have been sick for 4 days now with either food poisoning or something like it. It's been hell and I just want to get back to normal. My mental state is really rather fragile right now, but I'm so dehydrated I can't make tears. It is a really weird feeling.

I tried to go to work yesterday, but I just ended up breaking down in front of my coworkers, which I absolutely hated. I left about 6 hours early, and just decided not to go in to work today. I have no more sick leave and no more vacation and no more motivation to even go to work.

I would love to quit my job and work somewhere way below my skill level, just so I can reduce my stress level. I don't handle stress well, and I know it's slowly killing me. My job isn't that stressful, but at times it can be incredibly stressful and I let it get to me too much. It's like a rollercoaster. One week, eh it's not stressful and I can handle everything. Next week, wham! You need to do this and this and this, and oh the equipment isn't working and people want their results right now and you need to put that aside and work on this because my project is more important than yours. And then the week after that, calm again. I don't like the rollercoaster. I'd like to get off the ride, and can I get a refund, too, please?

I'm too much of a coward to actually quit my job. Ever since I started it, I've been scheming ways to be able to make money so I can quit that job, but I don't think I could ever actually do it. Not until something else comes up, like oh hey I'm pregnant and I want to stay home with the kids.

I think my real problem is that there are so many expectations of me, and I know I'm not going to live up to them. Ever. But I so want to. I'm a people pleaser, and I need to learn that I can't make everyone happy. I just need to make myself happy. Unfortunately I'm on the road to unhappiness, a path I've been on for a very long time. Once I got stuck in this rut, I've found it so much harder to find the courage to pull myself out.

I chose this career path because of money, not because it would make me happy. And it's made me miserable. I need to find the strength and the courage to change. I think I need to pray.

Four

Projects. 

I have a ton of projects that I have started, but have yet to finish. I’ve made prioritized lists, but that doesn’t seem to help me much. 

I always feel guilty for starting something but never finishing it. I think my biggest problem is that I start out with something small that grows into a huge monster and becomes so daunting that I am afraid to even work on it, knowing that it will take me forever to finish it. Basically, I begin to think, what’s the point?

 I get really negative about the project, but then all of a sudden I get inspired to start it up again, then slowly the sneaky monster of doubt crawls into my brain and plants the “why are you even bothering with this?” seed that grows into the “you’ll never finish this” plant that morphs into the “don’t even think about working on this because it will never ever get done” tree, which drops a “oh hey look at this other project you started on” seed that started the cycle all over again.

Do you have any projects that you have a problem finishing? Let me know more in the comment section!

Three

Continuation of yesterday's post:

Another road that I want to take is one that will lead me to opening my own bakery/café. I’ve been laying out all the plans including finding the perfect location, testing new recipes and coming up with a name. I have it all planned out, I just don’t have the money for it. And I’m really hesitant about leaving my current job because it pays so well and I’m afraid of losing that source of income for me and my honey. But I’m really tired of my job. It’s pretty tedious and boring most of the time. And it’s kind of hazardous to my health. So for now my plan is to stay where I am until I can afford to have a reduced income, which is going to be like 5 years down the road. 

My only problem is that I don’t know how to fit everything in. I am a planner. I always have a plan for everything. I get it from my mom, unfortunately. I have been constantly updating my plan for my life the past few years, and I’ve realized that there is so much I want to do, but I don’t know how to fit it all in without burning myself out. I want to have kids, but how do I do that with a bakery? I want to have a bakery, but I don’t have any money for it. I want to buy a house, so should I put the money I have been saving towards a house or towards my bakery? Where can I fit in my plans for a vegetable garden, plans to start a school, plans to be a foster parent, plans, plans, plans!

Do you have any specific plans for your life or are you more a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person? Let me know more in the comment section!

Two

I’m at a rather frustrating point in my journey right now.  I have so many roads that I could follow, but I’m not sure which one I should pick. Some roads I know will lead me to where I want to be and I am eagerly going to follow them. Others I’m not so sure about. I just have so many things that I can talk about, so I think I’m going to just stick to one topic for each day to not overwhelm you (or myself).

But first, I should do a more proper introduction (since the last one was a little vague.. Sorry!)

Hi, my fake-name is Katy and I’m in my early-twenties. I’m engaged to the most awesomest man ever, whose name shall be changed to Brandon. We have been together for nearly 4 and a half years and we are going to be married later this year in October. We have a pseudo-kid of a cat named Fred, who is fat and orange. He is an attention-wanting little goober who we love even though he wakes us up at 4 am. Anyways, that’s all you need to know for now.

First topic: Moving

Right now, we live about 45 minutes away from where we want to be. We want to live near Brandon’s parents and my family in a (somewhat) little town that is close enough to the big city, but not too close. I only get to see my family once every few weeks and I would love to see my parents and Brandon’s parents a lot more often. After we move, we will be 5 minutes from his parents and 10 from mine, which means I can visit everyone more often. My commute will also be reduced from 1 hour to 20 minutes. 

Doesn’t that sound lovely? 

For me it does. After driving home every day, stuck in traffic for an hour (or more!), having a commute of 20 minutes sounds like heaven. But I have to wait a month before we can move. I want to move now and I am having a hard time being patient. My energy is sucked out of me when I sit in traffic so when I get home all I want to do is sit on the couch and eat takeout. Not exactly the healthiest thing to do. But I just have to keep staring at that light at the end of the tunnel and learn to be patient.

Another reason I want to move is so I can shop at a local farmstand and at a local meat shop instead of a large supermarket. I went to the farmstand last weekend to check it out and I fell in love! It’s like a mini-Whole Foods, but with even more locally grown produce. I’m really big about eating as local as I can, so the farmstand is pretty much the best thing ever for me. When I visited it, I got so inspired to cook and make things in the kitchen, and that hasn’t happened in a long time, so it felt really good and made me want to move as soon as possible!

A third, and very important, reason is that the apartment we are moving in to is 1000000000 times nicer than the one I’m in now. I won’t be embarrassed to invite people over because the paint won’t be peeling, there won’t be stains everywhere and it’s going to be a lot lighter because our new apartment will face south and will get more sun. My plants can get the light they have been craving, I will get the light I’ve been craving, Brandon will get peace of mind knowing I’m happy. 

This move will finally get me back home after being away for 4 years now (I moved into the big city to attend a university, and then moved to a slightly smaller, but still big city where I’ve been for a year). Ever since I left my hometown, I’ve been dying to get back there. I always feel like crying after visiting because I want so badly to be back at home. I’ve drifted so far from my family, from my roots, that it’s going to feel so good to get back to where I belong. I’ve felt so out of place that last 4 years. 

Finally I will be home.


Did you ever move away from home? How did you deal with it? Let me know your story in the comment section!

One

Hello there.

My name is Katy. At least, that's what you can call me. It's not my real name, it's more of an adopted name. Ever since junior high, people have been telling me I look more like a Katy than my real name.

I'm using an adopted name for privacy. I would like to write freely about the going-ons in my life without having some people know it's me. I don't mind if some random stranger reads this (not that they will) but I'd rather not risk having someone I love and cherish read a post where I was angry or frustrated with them and take it the wrong way. You understand, right?

So here is my place to write about weddings, marriage, house-buying, workplace annoyances, new friends, and life in general.

Thanks for reading.

Katy