You may have once upon a time wondered, how does the "other woman" view marriage? You know, since she is under full intent of destroying one?
I can't speak for other "other women," but I can speak for this one. I think marriage can be a great thing, if you choose the right person.
That's the key there. Choosing the right person. Granted, you won't know if you have chosen the right person until 20, 30, 40, 50 years later, but hey! You still gotta make that decision the best you can with the information you have.
It's a double edged sword. You think you are making a good decision at the time, but it may turn out to be a bad one.
Like an investment or a stock. You watch it for a while, my, it sure looks pretty. It's going up, people desire it (the product or the company), I think I may want to invest in it. So you do, then all hell breaks lose.
Turns out the CEO lied and was corrupt. Turns out the head scientist ordered they use inferior materials to bulk up the products and lied about it. Turns out everything you thought the company was headed toward is the opposite of where they are going.
Promises are made in the beginning, promises are broken. But where does that leave us?
Do we still put our faith in something that has shown to not work very often? Or do we still believe that under the right circumstances, it can be great, wonderful, amazing?
I'm still under that second category. I do believe that if you marry the right person, you can have a wonderful marriage and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, many people make a decision to get married based on invalid or unknown truths. Take Rich for example. He married his first wife because she made all these promises that she wanted the same things as him, she acted like a loving and doting girlfriend. So, they got married. As soon as the honeymoon was over, she let her true self show. She didn't want to do any activities with him. She was not very loving or doting. It was all a sham.
Should he have gotten married to her? Heck no! But according to the information he had at the time, you would have said, oh yeah they will make it for sure!
Same with his second wife, albeit a bit different. They actually did have things in common. A lot of things in common. Till she got injured. Then everything changed. They still got married, but no longer did she want to do the same things as him. Over time, she became more interested in spending time with her kids than with him. One year, she didn't even say happy anniversary to him, and she spent the day with her daughter. This last year, she did the same exact thing.
Nothing says I don't care about you anymore like forgetting (or ignoring) an anniversary.
Now, back to what the "other woman" thinks of marriage, even though I'm breaking one up. Well, in my opinion, she gave up a long time ago, long before I came into the picture. If they had wanted to make it work, they would have worked at it. But they both let it go way beyond repair and now I doubt there is any chance at fixing it.
Do I believe they should try to make it work? Yes, and no. If they were able to make it up and Rich was happy, I would definitely be hurt, but I would want what makes him happiest. But the chances of that ever happening are slim to none. They don't do anything together. He spends more time with me at my place than he does at his own house, except for sleeping.
In this roundabout way, I'm saying that yes, I do believe in the greatness of marriage, but it comes with complications that can be brought about by deceiving the other person and not putting every effort in. I choose to do neither when I get married. I don't see it as any benefit to me to play myself up as someone I'm not, because eventually the charade is going to get tiring and my husband may not love the person I actually am.
I would rather wait to find the right man who loves me for me than settle for someone who loves the person I'm pretending to be.
Thanks for reading.
Katy
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Overwhelmed
I've been feeling overwhelmed and lacking energy lately. I feel like I am always sick or low-energy. I seem to get maybe a day or two a month where I have all of my energy and I can keep everything going.
Right now, my place is a mess. I have an infection that won't go away. I am exhausted, worn out, ready to just hole up and hunker down.
I realize it's partly because of my immune system. I have known for a long time that my immune system just does not fight off things as well as others. There has been research done that shows the condition I have is actually an immune condition, but they aren't sure of the connection. I've always gotten sick easier than my class mates. In college, I was constantly sick. Even now, I feel like I get every bug and it's best friend.
I hate that my place is a mess. I've lived here for over a year now, and there has seldom been more than two weeks in a row that I've been able to keep it clean. I mean, it's not dirty by any stretch. It's just cluttered. A few dirty dishes in the sink, plus the mountain of clean ones I need to put away. Piles of clean laundry that I don't have the energy to fold and put away. Stacks of books that I took out but haven't put back. Mail that I half sorted to dig out the bills and stashed the rest on the table.
I don't like clutter. I've lived with clutter for too long when I lived with my ex. I remember our first apartment together. We had separate bedrooms and we were responsible for cleaning our own rooms. Mine was clean. I had a few stacks of books, but I've always loved stacks of books and that doesn't bother me too much. But that was it. He had dirty and clean clothes everywhere, mixed together. He had papers, random things, cups, dishes, you name it, it was on the floor or on his desk.
I picked up that trait of living in clutter and I've been trying to get rid of it. My low-energy isn't helping much with that.
School and work are wearing down on me. It's getting harder and harder to go to a job I despise everyday. I'm counting down the months till I can leave and never go back. I'm at the point where if there is another problem at work, I'm about to quit and get a lower paying job somewhere else. I know that is a stupid idea, considering I get great pay, but my health is paying for it because of my stress levels.
And to tell you the truth, I love my job. I really enjoy the work, the solving puzzles, the troubleshooting. I just can't stand the people or the discrepancies in the treatment of people there. I feel like I am expected to be this nice, sweet girl who will bend over backwards to accommodate anyone. That used to be me. But now, I stick up for myself. If someone requests something from me that I believe is out of line, I'm going to call them on it. Politely, but I'm still going to call them on it.
And you know what, lots of people think I was right in calling this person out on their request, but nothing happened to them. They didn't get talked to, it just got ignored. And I got scolded!
Anyways, I'm in serious need of venting. And to get healthy and healed. That's all I want. Oh, and about $50k so I can quit my job and go to school full time in order to get my masters degree sooner and start my new job sooner. Is that too much to ask?
Katy
Right now, my place is a mess. I have an infection that won't go away. I am exhausted, worn out, ready to just hole up and hunker down.
I realize it's partly because of my immune system. I have known for a long time that my immune system just does not fight off things as well as others. There has been research done that shows the condition I have is actually an immune condition, but they aren't sure of the connection. I've always gotten sick easier than my class mates. In college, I was constantly sick. Even now, I feel like I get every bug and it's best friend.
I hate that my place is a mess. I've lived here for over a year now, and there has seldom been more than two weeks in a row that I've been able to keep it clean. I mean, it's not dirty by any stretch. It's just cluttered. A few dirty dishes in the sink, plus the mountain of clean ones I need to put away. Piles of clean laundry that I don't have the energy to fold and put away. Stacks of books that I took out but haven't put back. Mail that I half sorted to dig out the bills and stashed the rest on the table.
I don't like clutter. I've lived with clutter for too long when I lived with my ex. I remember our first apartment together. We had separate bedrooms and we were responsible for cleaning our own rooms. Mine was clean. I had a few stacks of books, but I've always loved stacks of books and that doesn't bother me too much. But that was it. He had dirty and clean clothes everywhere, mixed together. He had papers, random things, cups, dishes, you name it, it was on the floor or on his desk.
I picked up that trait of living in clutter and I've been trying to get rid of it. My low-energy isn't helping much with that.
School and work are wearing down on me. It's getting harder and harder to go to a job I despise everyday. I'm counting down the months till I can leave and never go back. I'm at the point where if there is another problem at work, I'm about to quit and get a lower paying job somewhere else. I know that is a stupid idea, considering I get great pay, but my health is paying for it because of my stress levels.
And to tell you the truth, I love my job. I really enjoy the work, the solving puzzles, the troubleshooting. I just can't stand the people or the discrepancies in the treatment of people there. I feel like I am expected to be this nice, sweet girl who will bend over backwards to accommodate anyone. That used to be me. But now, I stick up for myself. If someone requests something from me that I believe is out of line, I'm going to call them on it. Politely, but I'm still going to call them on it.
And you know what, lots of people think I was right in calling this person out on their request, but nothing happened to them. They didn't get talked to, it just got ignored. And I got scolded!
Anyways, I'm in serious need of venting. And to get healthy and healed. That's all I want. Oh, and about $50k so I can quit my job and go to school full time in order to get my masters degree sooner and start my new job sooner. Is that too much to ask?
Katy
Friday, October 5, 2012
Priorities and Non-commital Inaction
Do you know anyone who can't say no and constantly squeeze every thing into every minute of the day? Do you know anyone who says a lot of things they mean and think, but they don't do a whole lot to show it? Do you know someone who says they have their priorities straight, when they obviously don't?
Well, combine those two and you have Rich. I'm definitely a little peeved at him right now for his skewed priorities and his inability to say no.
I'll give yesterday as an example. Rich told me he was going to pick me up at about 5:30-6 for dinner. Great! I was really looking forward to it. He also told me that he was leaving work between 3-3:30 to fight traffic and stop by to visit his daughter for a little bit before he came to pick me up. Ok that's not a problem at all. I was really looking forward to dinner and spending time with him.
3 pm went by. I'm in the middle of a test, won't be able to leave for a little while, he told me. Ok I figured he'd be a little late, 15-20 minutes. I can deal with that. 4 pm goes by, still haven't left, no signs of leaving anytime soon. 5 pm arrives, he still hasn't left and I'm starting to get pissed. He either has to drop seeing his daughter and immediately pick me up (which isn't going to happen) or postpone dinner, which I'm not too happy about, but I at least would be somewhat understanding.
5:30 pm, he finally leaves work. Traffic is horrendous. And he still tries to squeeze everything in. So, instead of a nice relaxing evening, he misses time to spend with his daughter, is grouchy because of it, and I get my time with him squeezed to a bare minimum (with no dinner) and I get to bed late.
Now, if this was a once in a blue moon occurrence, then fine. It happens. But it happens every single week!
His wife made a really good point that I don't think stuck with him. His work is his number one priority. Everything else comes after that. He says it's not, that his family and me are his top priorities, but his actions show otherwise.
To better illustrate this, I'll give you what I see his priorities are:
1. Work
2. Kids
3. Family
4. Me
5. Health
6. Other activites
7. His house
8. Everything else
Now, I'll compare it to mine:
1. School
2. Rich
3. Health
4. Family and friends
5. Work
6. My hiking group
7. Other activities
I know that I need to put my health above all else because if I'm not healthy, I'm not able to do anything else. School comes before everything else, because that is my main focus right now. My work is down pretty low on my list because it's just not as important as the other things. I'm willing to miss work for family/health reasons. Rich is not.
He puts his work before everyone and everything and then touts that it doesn't come first. It's incredibly frustrating to listen to because I see how it effects people. His daughter told him a while back that she feels like Rich missed out on a lot of things because of work. Rich's wife said the same thing. Now, I'm saying the same thing. You think it would occur to him that maybe he shouldn't put work first, but he does.
I'm ranting now and I need to eat lunch, but I just needed to get it out. I've been collecting articles and quotes for him to read that I hope will make something click in his mind that he needs to do more and say less, but right now is not the best time. I guess I just have to wait.
Thanks for reading.
Katy
Well, combine those two and you have Rich. I'm definitely a little peeved at him right now for his skewed priorities and his inability to say no.
I'll give yesterday as an example. Rich told me he was going to pick me up at about 5:30-6 for dinner. Great! I was really looking forward to it. He also told me that he was leaving work between 3-3:30 to fight traffic and stop by to visit his daughter for a little bit before he came to pick me up. Ok that's not a problem at all. I was really looking forward to dinner and spending time with him.
3 pm went by. I'm in the middle of a test, won't be able to leave for a little while, he told me. Ok I figured he'd be a little late, 15-20 minutes. I can deal with that. 4 pm goes by, still haven't left, no signs of leaving anytime soon. 5 pm arrives, he still hasn't left and I'm starting to get pissed. He either has to drop seeing his daughter and immediately pick me up (which isn't going to happen) or postpone dinner, which I'm not too happy about, but I at least would be somewhat understanding.
5:30 pm, he finally leaves work. Traffic is horrendous. And he still tries to squeeze everything in. So, instead of a nice relaxing evening, he misses time to spend with his daughter, is grouchy because of it, and I get my time with him squeezed to a bare minimum (with no dinner) and I get to bed late.
Now, if this was a once in a blue moon occurrence, then fine. It happens. But it happens every single week!
His wife made a really good point that I don't think stuck with him. His work is his number one priority. Everything else comes after that. He says it's not, that his family and me are his top priorities, but his actions show otherwise.
To better illustrate this, I'll give you what I see his priorities are:
1. Work
2. Kids
3. Family
4. Me
5. Health
6. Other activites
7. His house
8. Everything else
Now, I'll compare it to mine:
1. School
2. Rich
3. Health
4. Family and friends
5. Work
6. My hiking group
7. Other activities
I know that I need to put my health above all else because if I'm not healthy, I'm not able to do anything else. School comes before everything else, because that is my main focus right now. My work is down pretty low on my list because it's just not as important as the other things. I'm willing to miss work for family/health reasons. Rich is not.
He puts his work before everyone and everything and then touts that it doesn't come first. It's incredibly frustrating to listen to because I see how it effects people. His daughter told him a while back that she feels like Rich missed out on a lot of things because of work. Rich's wife said the same thing. Now, I'm saying the same thing. You think it would occur to him that maybe he shouldn't put work first, but he does.
I'm ranting now and I need to eat lunch, but I just needed to get it out. I've been collecting articles and quotes for him to read that I hope will make something click in his mind that he needs to do more and say less, but right now is not the best time. I guess I just have to wait.
Thanks for reading.
Katy
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