I'm going to try to do a quick weekend update since I'm starved and need to go eat food soon.
So, Friday after our sushi lunch date, Rich and I went back to work and texted each other for a while. Soon, Rich was busy at work, so I went and did some other stuff, too. Next thing I know, I get a text from Rich saying a guy he had just met told Rich that the other guy's wife had cancer. Out of no where. First time meeting the guy. Rich was absolutely confounded on why the guy did that. I told Rich the only logical explanation is that since Rich has had cancer twice now, he could offer the most sympathy at that time than any one else around. Rich pondered it some more, and finally the shock wore off.
It gets better.
Right before I was to leave for the day, I had an inkling that I should check facebook one more time. I did, saw nothing and was about to log out when I had another inkling to check Rich's page. Lo and behold, there was a post from his wife's daughter, congratulating them on their 10 year wedding anniversary, that was supposed to be on Saturday.
I was floored. I was meaning to ask him when it was, so I finally asked. He had completely forgotten about it. Neither of them had mentioned it to the other and they hadn't made any plans. I inquired as to what was the usual celebration, and he said, nothing. Usually a card and maybe a bouquet of flowers, but no dinner, no nothing. That really surprised me. Then, he mentioned that the last couple of years, she has spent their anniversary with her daughter, not him. Same thing happened this year. That just absolutely confuses the living poop out of me. I mean, I'm not for going all out as in throwing a huge party or something, but at least to have dinner somewhere is the typical, no?
I swear, the more I learn about his wife, the more dysfunctional she seems. I try to look at her as just another person and try to see her in the best light, but really? You won't go celebrate your anniversary with your husband? Ok, there's something not right there.
She just lacks the, I don't know the right word, thought of not really sacrificing yourself to do something with the person you love even if you lack interest, but I can't think of a better way of saying it. She's not interested in his cooking, other than eating it. She could care less about his other hobbies. He goes with her to do things, albeit not very often, but it's not reciprocal. I'm trying to look at it from her side, but every time I do, I just see someone who isn't giving their all into the relationship, and that's just not fair to anyone.
Anyways, I'm getting off topic.
On Saturday, I was fairly busy, cleaning my apartment, then went bowling with some friends. Rich was spending the weekend with his son, so I didn't see him the whole weekend. At first I was ok with it, but Sunday it started to get to me. I knew that his wife was there with them, and I became insanely jealous that she was there and I couldn't be. She wasn't participating in their activities, she was just kinda there. I drove myself nuts thinking about it and was in a frenzy by the time Rich showed up at nearly 6:30.
He could immediately sense something was wrong. I tried to brush it off like I had a headache, but he knew better. Eventually, he drug it out of me and I just blew up. I became hysterical. I was yelling at him like I had never done before. I was tired of waiting on the sidelines. I was tired of living half my life in secret. I was just plain tired.
I started bawling my eyes out and he started to pace around. We kept talking and I calmed down a little, till he hugged me and then I just about exploded into tears. He was trying so hard not to cry, but he admitted that seeing me like this really was hurting him. I asked him how long it was going to take for him to get a divorce. I've asked that question before, but he has never given me a straight answer. He didn't give me an absolute, concrete answer, but he at least gave me a window of 2-3 years for the total process to be complete. I felt much better at least having some idea, but I still feel lost. I feel kept in the dark about everything.
I've told him that I want him to tell me when he talks to a lawyer or a counselor. I want to be kept in the loop, but he doesn't want me to get involved. I try to explain that if he doesn't keep me in the loop, I'm going to assume that he's not doing anything, that he is just stringing me along.
So, we got that all sorted out and now we are more on the same page, but we are going to talk more tonight.
But it gets even better. So my parents have been suspicious about me and Rich for a while, but they haven't come out and said anything to me. I have gathered this because I'm still on their phone plan (which is no longer true as of today) and someone was trying to listen to my voicemail messages. I checked my voicemail because my cousin called and it said there were 3 unsuccessful tries to get into my voicemail. I promptly changed the password and hope that they didn't listen to all of my messages.
I'm rather pissed about this because I feel like they are treating me like I'm a teenager again when I'm 25. I've had my own apartment for years, paid off my own car, and have held a steady full time job for quite a while now, and I had trusted them enough to not go snooping into my personal business when I kept my cell phone plan with them.
But now that I'm positive they have been snooping, I'm going to fully emancipate myself from them. No more having my doc call their house. No more prescriptions being called to their house. No more cell phone bill going thru them. No more sending packages to their house. I'm sick and tired of it.
The part that irks me the most is that I realized this is nothing new. I didn't even have a fighting chance growing up. My parents didn't put their trust in me simply because I was a child. I remember one time, the cat had thrown up under my bed, so I had my window open to clear out the stench till I could clean it up. They didn't believe me. They threatened to give me a drug test and punish me. I kept telling them to look under my bed to see the cat puke, but instead they tore through my room, looking for cigarettes and drugs. I was in freaking 8th grade.
I will admit later on I did smoke cigarettes and pot, but I had lost trust that they trusted me, so I didn't bother to care. I had straight A's, maybe an A- here and there. Yet, they still didn't trust me.
I can definitely see that their lack of trust in me has caused me to be wary of others. I have some girlfriends I have known for over a year now and I still don't trust them. They haven't done anything wrong to hurt me, but still I don't trust them. I don't fully trust Rich, but I trust him more than anyone else.
Thanks Mom and Dad for screwing me. You turned out a real peach of a kid. It's gonna sure bite you in the ass.
More updates later...
Thanks for reading.
Katy
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sushi Lunch Dates
I have been going on sushi lunch dates with Rich at least once a month since last April. There's a little tiny sushi place about halfway between our workplaces that I have loved for years now. The guy who owns the place knows me and my favorite roll (yellowtail with green onion) and he has seen me there with my parents and with my ex, Brandon. Him and his wife know me and Rich are together, or rather we assume they know since we show up so often and by the way his wife looks at us.
Today we decided to make an extra trip to Starbucks, which is just around the corner. We chatted with the baristas about sushi, then walked around and looked at the other restaurants. When we first started having sushi lunch dates, both of us were so paranoid we would be seen and what other people would think of us. Now we simply don't care. We walk side by side, my arm looped through his, drinking our raspberry mochas. He kisses me on the cheek as we peruse the menu of a Greek restaurant that he's been dying to try. We walk by yoga studios, bead shops, bars that have yet to open because of the early hour.
As we round the corner, we pass by a jewelry shop. One of his hobbies is to polish stones as gifts for friends and family. I've gotten several from him, and I cherish them. I convinced him to step inside since I knew he would like it. As soon as he walks in the door, he is in heaven. So many ideas for stones to make. He begins chatting with the store owner as I look at the jewelery. One thing I love about Rich is that he can talk to anyone and he always introduces himself. Usually Rich introduces me also if I'm with him, but today he forgot. The store owner asked for my name and then made a joke about not wanting to steal his woman. It felt good to know that people see us as a couple, not as say, a father and daughter, as I had feared people would. (Not that we look anything alike, but still).
We enjoyed looking at the jewelry, all made by local artists. We both admired the craftsmanship and the hard work that went into each piece. We talked about ideas for both my jewelry designs and his (I make beaded earrings). It was so much fun to be able to talk about a hobby that we share, even if they are slightly different. I've never had anyone to share something like that with, and neither had he.
After we left the shop, we walked around the block to our cars. We sat in my car and talked for a little bit, then kissed goodbye. I love his kisses. They are so soft, warm and passionate. I would be so happy if I could kiss only his lips for the rest of my life.
He's coming over to my place later to cook dinner and go for a walk. I always look forward to his kisses and hugs. They are the best I've ever received.
Till next time,
Katy
Today we decided to make an extra trip to Starbucks, which is just around the corner. We chatted with the baristas about sushi, then walked around and looked at the other restaurants. When we first started having sushi lunch dates, both of us were so paranoid we would be seen and what other people would think of us. Now we simply don't care. We walk side by side, my arm looped through his, drinking our raspberry mochas. He kisses me on the cheek as we peruse the menu of a Greek restaurant that he's been dying to try. We walk by yoga studios, bead shops, bars that have yet to open because of the early hour.
As we round the corner, we pass by a jewelry shop. One of his hobbies is to polish stones as gifts for friends and family. I've gotten several from him, and I cherish them. I convinced him to step inside since I knew he would like it. As soon as he walks in the door, he is in heaven. So many ideas for stones to make. He begins chatting with the store owner as I look at the jewelery. One thing I love about Rich is that he can talk to anyone and he always introduces himself. Usually Rich introduces me also if I'm with him, but today he forgot. The store owner asked for my name and then made a joke about not wanting to steal his woman. It felt good to know that people see us as a couple, not as say, a father and daughter, as I had feared people would. (Not that we look anything alike, but still).
We enjoyed looking at the jewelry, all made by local artists. We both admired the craftsmanship and the hard work that went into each piece. We talked about ideas for both my jewelry designs and his (I make beaded earrings). It was so much fun to be able to talk about a hobby that we share, even if they are slightly different. I've never had anyone to share something like that with, and neither had he.
After we left the shop, we walked around the block to our cars. We sat in my car and talked for a little bit, then kissed goodbye. I love his kisses. They are so soft, warm and passionate. I would be so happy if I could kiss only his lips for the rest of my life.
He's coming over to my place later to cook dinner and go for a walk. I always look forward to his kisses and hugs. They are the best I've ever received.
Till next time,
Katy
Friday, April 27, 2012
Living as the Other Woman.. with the Man of my Dreams
This blog has so far been a fragmented piece, where I have been debating writing about my relationship with Rich, a married man who I fell in love with. I can't write about it in my normal blog since so many people don't know about him and I feel partially like I shouldn't write about it at all. The other part of me needs that outlet and wants to share the wonderful life we have created with each other. I also want to show that being the "other woman" isn't what people typically think it's like. I want to dispel so many stereotypes about being the "other woman." I'm also willing to undergo scrutiny from others, but if you are to comment, please be kind and remember this is my life, not yours.
I've finally decided to write about my everyday relationship with Rich and show (and to tell you the truth, prove) that we do belong together and that most relationships are more complicated than they seem.
I will try to catch up on the past year that I've known him, but not all in one post and not in great detail. I've tried before, and it simply overwhelmed me. I'll include the necessary details, but skip over most of it. I also won't be including any photos as to not be identified as easily.
First, Rich and I came into each other's lives by complete accident. We work for the same company and his area had lost a bit of work, so him and 2 others were going to be loaned out to other groups. The other 2 toured my work area and were supposed to work for my group and another group in my building. Last minute, Rich got switched in and began working in my building.
We immediately noticed each other and once we were introduced, we couldn't stop talking. He was the most attractive man I had ever seen, even though we have nearly 25 years between us. We could talk so easily about food, activites, work, life. We had so much in common, it was scary. It was also scary that we couldn't resist each other.
Meanwhile, I was engaged to another man who I had so wanted to be my soulmate, but I knew deep down was nothing near. We had nothing in common (and never really had), but I had wanted to believe that he was the one I was supposed to marry. Rich changed all that.
Rich kissed me for the first time nearly 2 months after we first met. It was the most amazing kiss of my life. Fireworks, sparks, you name it, I felt it. I had never felt that before with anyone else. The kiss was so intense and powerful, I couldn't wait to get another one.
After a few weeks, Rich hesitated. He had a wife, his second one, but no kids with her. He still wanted to make it work with her, but he felt such an intense attraction with me that he didn't feel with her.
I thought I wouldn't be able to ever have him. I was still planning on getting married, unless I thought I could have Rich. For the next few months, he would zig and I would zag. We couldn't get on the same ground. Then he went to jury duty.
I missed him terribly. I didn't talk to him much, and it hurt. I realized that I needed him in my life. I was lonely in my other relationship and I did not want to get married. So I broke off my engagement without any hope of ever having Rich in my life the way I wanted. I was prepared to be alone.
I went nuts. I tried sleeping with a guy I barely knew and I wasn't attracted to. I tried to mess around with another co-worker. All to get my mind off Rich. He eventually came back to work and I resigned myself to the fact that we would probably always just remain friends.
One day, while he was working at his normal office, I asked if he wanted to do lunch. He said sure so I drove to his office and we had lunch and acted as if we were just friends. No flirting, no trying to graze his hand. Nothing.
He took me back to his office to show me around so I understood more of what he did for his normal work. And then we made love in a large broom closet.
Not my proudest moment, but it was the best sex I had ever had in my life. We both couldn't believe what we had just did and that it actually happened, without either of us trying very hard.
The next few months were insane. One of us would hesitate and it would throw the other into a spiral. I wanted to be with him so badly, but he had all these other commitments and doubts. Slowly, we finally found the piece of normalcy that we have been at for about 6 months now. We see each other almost everyday, we constantly talk throughout the day. We go skiing together, we cook together, we hike together. He trains for marathons and triathlons, so I've been running with him to help him train. I'm going to buy a bike soon so we can cycle together.
Once we got thru all the muck and mess and finally gave in to the fact that we are head over heels for each other and fit each other damn near perfectly, life became easy. I know you are wondering about his wife and how she feels, but the whole time I've known him, she's been more of a roommate to him than a wife. They barely went on any trips before and now he's taking more trips with me. I don't doubt she's a nice person, but she is mostly concerned with her daughters and herself. There's no room in there for Rich and his kids.
I'll comment on that more later, but now you know how our relationship started. Next post, sushi for lunch!
I've finally decided to write about my everyday relationship with Rich and show (and to tell you the truth, prove) that we do belong together and that most relationships are more complicated than they seem.
I will try to catch up on the past year that I've known him, but not all in one post and not in great detail. I've tried before, and it simply overwhelmed me. I'll include the necessary details, but skip over most of it. I also won't be including any photos as to not be identified as easily.
First, Rich and I came into each other's lives by complete accident. We work for the same company and his area had lost a bit of work, so him and 2 others were going to be loaned out to other groups. The other 2 toured my work area and were supposed to work for my group and another group in my building. Last minute, Rich got switched in and began working in my building.
We immediately noticed each other and once we were introduced, we couldn't stop talking. He was the most attractive man I had ever seen, even though we have nearly 25 years between us. We could talk so easily about food, activites, work, life. We had so much in common, it was scary. It was also scary that we couldn't resist each other.
Meanwhile, I was engaged to another man who I had so wanted to be my soulmate, but I knew deep down was nothing near. We had nothing in common (and never really had), but I had wanted to believe that he was the one I was supposed to marry. Rich changed all that.
Rich kissed me for the first time nearly 2 months after we first met. It was the most amazing kiss of my life. Fireworks, sparks, you name it, I felt it. I had never felt that before with anyone else. The kiss was so intense and powerful, I couldn't wait to get another one.
After a few weeks, Rich hesitated. He had a wife, his second one, but no kids with her. He still wanted to make it work with her, but he felt such an intense attraction with me that he didn't feel with her.
I thought I wouldn't be able to ever have him. I was still planning on getting married, unless I thought I could have Rich. For the next few months, he would zig and I would zag. We couldn't get on the same ground. Then he went to jury duty.
I missed him terribly. I didn't talk to him much, and it hurt. I realized that I needed him in my life. I was lonely in my other relationship and I did not want to get married. So I broke off my engagement without any hope of ever having Rich in my life the way I wanted. I was prepared to be alone.
I went nuts. I tried sleeping with a guy I barely knew and I wasn't attracted to. I tried to mess around with another co-worker. All to get my mind off Rich. He eventually came back to work and I resigned myself to the fact that we would probably always just remain friends.
One day, while he was working at his normal office, I asked if he wanted to do lunch. He said sure so I drove to his office and we had lunch and acted as if we were just friends. No flirting, no trying to graze his hand. Nothing.
He took me back to his office to show me around so I understood more of what he did for his normal work. And then we made love in a large broom closet.
Not my proudest moment, but it was the best sex I had ever had in my life. We both couldn't believe what we had just did and that it actually happened, without either of us trying very hard.
The next few months were insane. One of us would hesitate and it would throw the other into a spiral. I wanted to be with him so badly, but he had all these other commitments and doubts. Slowly, we finally found the piece of normalcy that we have been at for about 6 months now. We see each other almost everyday, we constantly talk throughout the day. We go skiing together, we cook together, we hike together. He trains for marathons and triathlons, so I've been running with him to help him train. I'm going to buy a bike soon so we can cycle together.
Once we got thru all the muck and mess and finally gave in to the fact that we are head over heels for each other and fit each other damn near perfectly, life became easy. I know you are wondering about his wife and how she feels, but the whole time I've known him, she's been more of a roommate to him than a wife. They barely went on any trips before and now he's taking more trips with me. I don't doubt she's a nice person, but she is mostly concerned with her daughters and herself. There's no room in there for Rich and his kids.
I'll comment on that more later, but now you know how our relationship started. Next post, sushi for lunch!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Shifting Directions
Currently, I work in a field that I find somewhat interesting, but was also forced on me. My parents always told me I had to go to college, there was no other option. I had to get a degree in science, math or engineering. Any other major was just not acceptble. I had to get a great job that pays well, and it didn't matter if it would make me happy because at least I would have enough money to pay for everything.
This plan is what I've been on my whole life. I still feel like sometimes I'm on that plan, but there are glimpses, when I realize that this life is my own. I can make my own choices. And so I am making a new choice that is mine and only mine.
I'm going back to school to get a masters in nutritional science.
I've found that I still enjoy the sciences, but my passion is food and people. I have recently taught several cooking classes, and even though they didn't go as planned, I still enjoyed teaching people how to cook. I have discovered that I have a passion for helping people improve their lives, even if it's just for a day, by smiling at them and saying hi. This passion is almost as strong as my passion for food, and the few people I have told about this change have been really supportive and have told me it seems like it would be a better fit for me than where I currently am.
This decision is not without hesitation or fear. I'm afraid that I won't get accepted into the program, mainly because my GPA for my bachelors was not stellar. However, I didn't have the internal motivation I have now. At the time, my only motivation was fear; fear of dissapointing my parents, fear of not getting a good job and having a good life. Fear can be a good motivator, but only so much. I was motivated to scrape by and just barely get a degree. Now, I find I have the motivation to strive for the best I can do. My only fear now is that my motivation will diminish once I start back at school.
I feel much more comfortable about this decision than when I was thinking about pursuing culinary school. With culinary school, I would have had to either go on educational leave of absence for 2 whole years or quit my job entirely. With a masters in nutritional science, I will be able to still work almost full time for 2 years (and only take 1 class each quarter), but I will only have to take 1 year of educational leave of absence. Plus, my company will pay for some of the classes for nutritional science, but wouldn't for culinary school.
I'm still rather afraid to tell my parents, in fear that they won't be supportive. There are so many things going on right now that I don't want to tell them quite yet. I want to do all the research and have it all planned out before I tell them. I think my dad will be supportive since it is something I want to do and will combine my current degree with something I am passionate about. My mom, on the other hand, won't be that supportive since I am in a good, stable job right now that gives me a rather large paycheck, which is all she cared about me having.
I don't enjoy my job, it doesn't challenge me. I need something that will feel fulfilling, even if it doesn't pay as much. The positive side is that at any time while I'm pursuing this new degree, I can back out and keep the current job I have. If it turns out I don't like nutritional sciences, I can always come back to where I'm at. If I can't get a job in nutritional sciences, then I can always stay where I am at.
There are definitely a few details I need to work out and sort through, and it is going to require me pulling on my big girl pants and stepping outside my comfort zone, but I think in the end it will be worth it.
The great part is that I can already see an end goal. I may have to work at a gym or find multiple jobs at first working for other people, but eventually I want to have my own business where I coach people on eating healthy, especially for those who have food allergies, like I do. I would love to be able to work part-time as an RD while also teaching cooking classes. That would be the perfect job for me.
So, here's to following my dreams!
Thanks for reading...
This plan is what I've been on my whole life. I still feel like sometimes I'm on that plan, but there are glimpses, when I realize that this life is my own. I can make my own choices. And so I am making a new choice that is mine and only mine.
I'm going back to school to get a masters in nutritional science.
I've found that I still enjoy the sciences, but my passion is food and people. I have recently taught several cooking classes, and even though they didn't go as planned, I still enjoyed teaching people how to cook. I have discovered that I have a passion for helping people improve their lives, even if it's just for a day, by smiling at them and saying hi. This passion is almost as strong as my passion for food, and the few people I have told about this change have been really supportive and have told me it seems like it would be a better fit for me than where I currently am.
This decision is not without hesitation or fear. I'm afraid that I won't get accepted into the program, mainly because my GPA for my bachelors was not stellar. However, I didn't have the internal motivation I have now. At the time, my only motivation was fear; fear of dissapointing my parents, fear of not getting a good job and having a good life. Fear can be a good motivator, but only so much. I was motivated to scrape by and just barely get a degree. Now, I find I have the motivation to strive for the best I can do. My only fear now is that my motivation will diminish once I start back at school.
I feel much more comfortable about this decision than when I was thinking about pursuing culinary school. With culinary school, I would have had to either go on educational leave of absence for 2 whole years or quit my job entirely. With a masters in nutritional science, I will be able to still work almost full time for 2 years (and only take 1 class each quarter), but I will only have to take 1 year of educational leave of absence. Plus, my company will pay for some of the classes for nutritional science, but wouldn't for culinary school.
I'm still rather afraid to tell my parents, in fear that they won't be supportive. There are so many things going on right now that I don't want to tell them quite yet. I want to do all the research and have it all planned out before I tell them. I think my dad will be supportive since it is something I want to do and will combine my current degree with something I am passionate about. My mom, on the other hand, won't be that supportive since I am in a good, stable job right now that gives me a rather large paycheck, which is all she cared about me having.
I don't enjoy my job, it doesn't challenge me. I need something that will feel fulfilling, even if it doesn't pay as much. The positive side is that at any time while I'm pursuing this new degree, I can back out and keep the current job I have. If it turns out I don't like nutritional sciences, I can always come back to where I'm at. If I can't get a job in nutritional sciences, then I can always stay where I am at.
There are definitely a few details I need to work out and sort through, and it is going to require me pulling on my big girl pants and stepping outside my comfort zone, but I think in the end it will be worth it.
The great part is that I can already see an end goal. I may have to work at a gym or find multiple jobs at first working for other people, but eventually I want to have my own business where I coach people on eating healthy, especially for those who have food allergies, like I do. I would love to be able to work part-time as an RD while also teaching cooking classes. That would be the perfect job for me.
So, here's to following my dreams!
Thanks for reading...
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