what's a girl to do

what's a girl to do when she doesn't want to be with the man she is with, wants a man she can't have and is wanted by a man she doesn't want?

Overwhelmed

“Can you be underwhelmed? I think you can in Europe.”

Sorry, I needed that little bit of humor. I’m so overwhelmed with planning my wedding. 72 days left. That’s it. And I have a ton of stuff left to do!

I seriously feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions by so many different opinions that I don’t know what I want anymore. I like the whole fancy-ish wedding (which is what my mom and Brandon’s mom want), but I really just want it to be like a backyard summer barbeque with lots of friends and family. I want simple, but not plain. I want comfortable, but still a little stylish. I think it’s driving my mom crazy that I want flowers from her backyard in mason jars and not formal bouquets.

Did I mention that I’m not really a fan of our invitations? They are cute and easy, but really, I’d rather make them fun and pretty. The writing is all formal and I’m more of a hey why don’t you join us for when we get hitched? Lots of drinks, good food and good times involved. Park here, get us a gift from here, and let’s just party.

The more planning I do, the more it seems like everyone else is trying to create the fairy-tale wedding that they wanted, not what I want. I almost want to tell everyone to back off and let me do this all on my own. I know that there is no way in hell I could do it all on my own, but I keep hearing everyone’s opinions and it’s driving me bonkers!

Another thing that is driving me bonkers is that Brandon’s mom found my other blog and now she is reading it and commenting on it. I don’t really care if she does, but now I feel like I can’t write honestly there anymore. So I don’t write and my feelings get all pent up and all that junk.

And she wants to join my meetup group. I love her dearly, and I really enjoy spending time with her, but that group is for me to make new friends with people my age. She asked Brandon if she could join and he said yes without asking me, which really irked me. I would have told him to say no, but now I can’t say no because I’m going to look like the bad guy and I hate looking like the bad guy. So I’m gonna sit here and hope that she doesn’t actually join.

I have such a hard time expressing my feelings to people. Or even to myself. Does that make sense?

Anyways, I should get back to doing other things. Like planning for this wedding that I don’t want to plan.

Have a great day!

Katy