I've been really stressing lately. I've been having minor breakdowns and anxiety attacks a lot lately. I'm really starting to hate my job and I dread going to work everyday. I'm freaking out about a lot of what if's, which I realize is pointless, but I'm one of those people who need a plan for everything.
I'm freaking out about what if I don't get the grades I want and therefore don't get in to the masters program I want. What if I don't have enough money to be able to go to school and have to end up working here for several more years?
I'm worrying about so many things and it all took over at once. I'm really trying to reduce my stress levels because otherwise, I can't function. My body can't handle that much stress at once.
I'm slowly realizing that I can't keep living as though the bottom is going to fall out at any moment. I can't keep living like I'm already a failure.
I've also realized that my health should come before anything else, and that includes school. I need to get back into exercising, no matter how boring I find it at the gym. I need to get back to cooking, even when I feel too tired.
Rich told me a saying his doctor told him: "You aren't as tired as you think."
And it's very true. I'm not as tired as I think. I've heard that from many different sources, that you may feel tired, but it's overexaggerated. I tend to underexaggerate things, so when it comes to my level of tiredness, I usually feel my gauge is on the energetic side, and then when I do try things, I get so exhausted.
But this week, I proved that saying to myself. I woke up feeling exhausted, and beyond tired. I didn't want to go to work and I just wanted to stay home. Rich told me I should take a short break, eat something, and then get into work because "you aren't as tired as you think you are."
So I ate oatmeal, took a hot shower, then headed to work. I was tired throughout the day, but I survived. And then I vacuumed and washed dishes. And cooked lunch. Suddenly, all my energy came back. I just simply needed to get moving and to do the things I love.
Now my plan is to start prepping for a ficticious 10k and strength train for ski season. And cook. A lot. And conquer that mountain of dishes. And papers.
Thanks for reading.
Katy
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Not Me
I'm not a lazy person by any means. I love to be active and on the go constantly. This past year I think I overdid it though, and am paying the price now. I think part of the reason I forced myself to stay busy was that I used to be sedentary. It was so easy to sit on the couch and eat and do nothing. I forced myself out of that state of mind because it wasn't me, but instead of finding the sweet spot of moderation, I went off the other end.
And now I'm feeling really exhausted and all I want to do is stay home. I'm afraid I'm going to fall back into that pattern of sitting on the couch, eating till I'm overstuffed, all the while my butt gets bigger.
I've been feeling really tired and unmotivated to do much other than school work. Even doing my work is getting tiring for me. I'm really ready to have my new job and to have my schedule back. I'm so dang tired at the end of every week that I need a whole weekend to recover, when I used to not need it at all.
Anyways, it's about time for me to leave work and go home and sit on my butt. Tomorrow I plan on doing at least a walk up my hill, and then Sunday I'm going running on a local trail. I still do workout, it's just very sporadic, and I'm a scheduler, so that frustrates me to no end.
Have a great weekend!
Katy
And now I'm feeling really exhausted and all I want to do is stay home. I'm afraid I'm going to fall back into that pattern of sitting on the couch, eating till I'm overstuffed, all the while my butt gets bigger.
I've been feeling really tired and unmotivated to do much other than school work. Even doing my work is getting tiring for me. I'm really ready to have my new job and to have my schedule back. I'm so dang tired at the end of every week that I need a whole weekend to recover, when I used to not need it at all.
Anyways, it's about time for me to leave work and go home and sit on my butt. Tomorrow I plan on doing at least a walk up my hill, and then Sunday I'm going running on a local trail. I still do workout, it's just very sporadic, and I'm a scheduler, so that frustrates me to no end.
Have a great weekend!
Katy
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The Ring
I was chatting with Rich the other day about faceting stones, which is one of his hobbies. We were both surfing the web, looking at different materials and sharing ideas with each other. I really enjoyed being able to share something he is so passionate about. It makes me feel so close to him.
As I was surfing Etsy, I came across the really gorgeous sunstone ring. I loved it! So I sent him a picture of it. He thought it was really pretty and was going to research the cut so he could make the same stone for me. I figured he would probably put it in a necklace, which is what he has done for the other stones he has made for me.
Later that day, over the phone, Rich asked me if he could put the sunstone into a ring. I was kinda shocked by it. Typically, to a woman, the gift of a ring from a man means something. At least to me it does. I blurted out, "So, does the ring signify anything?"
Silence.
He stammered for a while before spitting out that he hadn't thought of it that way. It was just a nice gift he wanted to give me. I was very tempted to say, get a divorce, then I'll take that ring, but I didn't.
Speaking of divorce, I haven't heard any new news, but he has laid hints to his daughter that things aren't going so well. I guess Rich tried to have a talk with his wife about financials and about her step-daughter coming to live with them, but she didn't want to talk and instead drank herself to sleep. Real nice wifey there.
Anyways, this post has no real meaning. I'm just blabbering. It's been a long exhausting week and I'm feeling like I need to have a nice, long, cool-headed chat with Rich, but I really want to wait till after the holidays and after I'm done with school for the quarter.
I do have a feeling (or maybe I'm just hoping) that Rich will use his step-daughter moving in (with her 3 dogs and 3 cats. Did I mention he is very allergic to cats?) in order to leave, but that just isn't coming soon enough. I'm almost hoping he goes home one day to see her packing to pick her daughter up and bring her here earlier because the step-daughter and her husband are constantly fighting over little things and making rash decisions.
Like for example, they got in an argument and Rich's wife spent 3 hours on the phone with both of them in order to find a solution and stop the fighting. Personally, at 25 years old (and the same age as his step-daughter), I wouldn't want my mom to help solve my problems. Let me figure it out myself!
Another example, they got into an argument about something little and she changed her last name on Facebook back to her maiden name, which created another fight. Seriously? You aren't in high school anymore. Grow up!
So Rich has that to look forward to. Oh, and his other step-daughter wants to invite her boyfriend's mother over for Thanksgiving, a woman neither Rich nor his wife have met, and a boyfriend Rich has met twice since they started dating 6 months ago.
And Rich's wife agreed to it. I would never want someone I hadn't met coming over to my house for a meal! And neither does Rich, but his wife doesn't ask his opinion, she just acts. And usually in the wrong way.
Anyways, enough ranting. I'm going to prick and prod him a little for more information. Hopefully, I can get the full picture before it all goes down. If it all goes down.
Katy
As I was surfing Etsy, I came across the really gorgeous sunstone ring. I loved it! So I sent him a picture of it. He thought it was really pretty and was going to research the cut so he could make the same stone for me. I figured he would probably put it in a necklace, which is what he has done for the other stones he has made for me.
Later that day, over the phone, Rich asked me if he could put the sunstone into a ring. I was kinda shocked by it. Typically, to a woman, the gift of a ring from a man means something. At least to me it does. I blurted out, "So, does the ring signify anything?"
Silence.
He stammered for a while before spitting out that he hadn't thought of it that way. It was just a nice gift he wanted to give me. I was very tempted to say, get a divorce, then I'll take that ring, but I didn't.
Speaking of divorce, I haven't heard any new news, but he has laid hints to his daughter that things aren't going so well. I guess Rich tried to have a talk with his wife about financials and about her step-daughter coming to live with them, but she didn't want to talk and instead drank herself to sleep. Real nice wifey there.
Anyways, this post has no real meaning. I'm just blabbering. It's been a long exhausting week and I'm feeling like I need to have a nice, long, cool-headed chat with Rich, but I really want to wait till after the holidays and after I'm done with school for the quarter.
I do have a feeling (or maybe I'm just hoping) that Rich will use his step-daughter moving in (with her 3 dogs and 3 cats. Did I mention he is very allergic to cats?) in order to leave, but that just isn't coming soon enough. I'm almost hoping he goes home one day to see her packing to pick her daughter up and bring her here earlier because the step-daughter and her husband are constantly fighting over little things and making rash decisions.
Like for example, they got in an argument and Rich's wife spent 3 hours on the phone with both of them in order to find a solution and stop the fighting. Personally, at 25 years old (and the same age as his step-daughter), I wouldn't want my mom to help solve my problems. Let me figure it out myself!
Another example, they got into an argument about something little and she changed her last name on Facebook back to her maiden name, which created another fight. Seriously? You aren't in high school anymore. Grow up!
So Rich has that to look forward to. Oh, and his other step-daughter wants to invite her boyfriend's mother over for Thanksgiving, a woman neither Rich nor his wife have met, and a boyfriend Rich has met twice since they started dating 6 months ago.
And Rich's wife agreed to it. I would never want someone I hadn't met coming over to my house for a meal! And neither does Rich, but his wife doesn't ask his opinion, she just acts. And usually in the wrong way.
Anyways, enough ranting. I'm going to prick and prod him a little for more information. Hopefully, I can get the full picture before it all goes down. If it all goes down.
Katy
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