Stress Levels Rising

I've been really stressing lately. I've been having minor breakdowns and anxiety attacks a lot lately. I'm really starting to hate my job and I dread going to work everyday. I'm freaking out about a lot of what if's, which I realize is pointless, but I'm one of those people who need a plan for everything.

I'm freaking out about what if I don't get the grades I want and therefore don't get in to the masters program I want. What if I don't have enough money to be able to go to school and have to end up working here for several more years?

I'm worrying about so many things and it all took over at once. I'm really trying to reduce my stress levels because otherwise, I can't function. My body can't handle that much stress at once.

I'm slowly realizing that I can't keep living as though the bottom is going to fall out at any moment. I can't keep living like I'm already a failure.

I've also realized that my health should come before anything else, and that includes school. I need to get back into exercising, no matter how boring I find it at the gym. I need to get back to cooking, even when I feel too tired.

Rich told me a saying his doctor told him: "You aren't as tired as you think."

And it's very true. I'm not as tired as I think. I've heard that from many different sources, that you may feel tired, but it's overexaggerated. I tend to underexaggerate things, so when it comes to my level of tiredness, I usually feel my gauge is on the energetic side, and then when I do try things, I get so exhausted.

But this week, I proved that saying to myself. I woke up feeling exhausted, and beyond tired. I didn't want to go to work and I just wanted to stay home. Rich told me I should take a short break, eat something, and then get into work because "you aren't as tired as you think you are."

So I ate oatmeal, took a hot shower, then headed to work. I was tired throughout the day, but I survived. And then I vacuumed and washed dishes. And cooked lunch. Suddenly, all my energy came back. I just simply needed to get moving and to do the things I love.

Now my plan is to start prepping for a ficticious 10k and strength train for ski season. And cook. A lot. And conquer that mountain of dishes. And papers.

Thanks for reading.

Katy