Overwhelmed

I've been feeling overwhelmed and lacking energy lately. I feel like I am always sick or low-energy. I seem to get maybe a day or two a month where I have all of my energy and I can keep everything going.

Right now, my place is a mess. I have an infection that won't go away. I am exhausted, worn out, ready to just hole up and hunker down.

I realize it's partly because of my immune system. I have known for a long time that my immune system just does not fight off things as well as others. There has been research done that shows the condition I have is actually an immune condition, but they aren't sure of the connection. I've always gotten sick easier than my class mates. In college, I was constantly sick. Even now, I feel like I get every bug and it's best friend.

I hate that my place is a mess. I've lived here for over a year now, and there has seldom been more than two weeks in a row that I've been able to keep it clean. I mean, it's not dirty by any stretch. It's just cluttered. A few dirty dishes in the sink, plus the mountain of clean ones I need to put away. Piles of clean laundry that I don't have the energy to fold and put away. Stacks of books that I took out but haven't put back. Mail that I half sorted to dig out the bills and stashed the rest on the table.

I don't like clutter. I've lived with clutter for too long when I lived with my ex. I remember our first apartment together. We had separate bedrooms and we were responsible for cleaning our own rooms. Mine was clean. I had a few stacks of books, but I've always loved stacks of books and that doesn't bother me too much. But that was it. He had dirty and clean clothes everywhere, mixed together. He had papers, random things, cups, dishes, you name it, it was on the floor or on his desk.

I picked up that trait of living in clutter and I've been trying to get rid of it. My low-energy isn't helping much with that.

School and work are wearing down on me. It's getting harder and harder to go to a job I despise everyday. I'm counting down the months till I can leave and never go back. I'm at the point where if there is another problem at work, I'm about to quit and get a lower paying job somewhere else. I know that is a stupid idea, considering I get great pay, but my health is paying for it because of my stress levels.

And to tell you the truth, I love my job. I really enjoy the work, the solving puzzles, the troubleshooting. I just can't stand the people or the discrepancies in the treatment of people there. I feel like I am expected to be this nice, sweet girl who will bend over backwards to accommodate anyone. That used to be me. But now, I stick up for myself. If someone requests something from me that I believe is out of line, I'm going to call them on it. Politely, but I'm still going to call them on it.

And you know what, lots of people think I was right in calling this person out on their request, but nothing happened to them. They didn't get talked to, it just got ignored. And I got scolded! 

Anyways, I'm in serious need of venting. And to get healthy and healed. That's all I want. Oh, and about $50k so I can quit my job and go to school full time in order to get my masters degree sooner and start my new job sooner. Is that too much to ask?

Katy