Weekend Update

I'm going to try to do a quick weekend update since I'm starved and need to go eat food soon.

So, Friday after our sushi lunch date, Rich and I went back to work and texted each other for a while. Soon, Rich was busy at work, so I went and did some other stuff, too. Next thing I know, I get a text from Rich saying a guy he had just met told Rich that the other guy's wife had cancer. Out of no where. First time meeting the guy. Rich was absolutely confounded on why the guy did that. I told Rich the only logical explanation is that since Rich has had cancer twice now, he could offer the most sympathy at that time than any one else around. Rich pondered it some more, and finally the shock wore off.

It gets better.

Right before I was to leave for the day, I had an inkling that I should check facebook one more time. I did, saw nothing and was about to log out when I had another inkling to check Rich's page. Lo and behold, there was a post from his wife's daughter, congratulating them on their 10 year wedding anniversary, that was supposed to be on Saturday.

I was floored. I was meaning to ask him when it was, so I finally asked. He had completely forgotten about it. Neither of them had mentioned it to the other and they hadn't made any plans. I inquired as to what was the usual celebration, and he said, nothing. Usually a card and maybe a bouquet of flowers, but no dinner, no nothing. That really surprised me. Then, he mentioned that the last couple of years, she has spent their anniversary with her daughter, not him. Same thing happened this year. That just absolutely confuses the living poop out of me. I mean, I'm not for going all out as in throwing a huge party or something, but at least to have dinner somewhere is the typical, no?

I swear, the more I learn about his wife, the more dysfunctional she seems. I try to look at her as just another person and try to see her in the best light, but really? You won't go celebrate your anniversary with your husband? Ok, there's something not right there.

She just lacks the, I don't know the right word, thought of not really sacrificing yourself to do something with the person you love even if you lack interest, but I can't think of a better way of saying it. She's not interested in his cooking, other than eating it. She could care less about his other hobbies. He goes with her to do things, albeit not very often, but it's not reciprocal. I'm trying to look at it from her side, but every time I do, I just see someone who isn't giving their all into the relationship, and that's just not fair to anyone.

Anyways, I'm getting off topic.

On Saturday, I was fairly busy, cleaning my apartment, then went bowling with some friends. Rich was spending the weekend with his son, so I didn't see him the whole weekend. At first I was ok with it, but Sunday it started to get to me. I knew that his wife was there with them, and I became insanely jealous that she was there and I couldn't be. She wasn't participating in their activities, she was just kinda there. I drove myself nuts thinking about it and was in a frenzy by the time Rich showed up at nearly 6:30.

He could immediately sense something was wrong. I tried to brush it off like I had a headache, but he knew better. Eventually, he drug it out of me and I just blew up. I became hysterical. I was yelling at him like I had never done before. I was tired of waiting on the sidelines. I was tired of living half my life in secret. I was just plain tired.

I started bawling my eyes out and he started to pace around. We kept talking and I calmed down a little, till he hugged me and then I just about exploded into tears. He was trying so hard not to cry, but he admitted that seeing me like this really was hurting him. I asked him how long it was going to take for him to get a divorce. I've asked that question before, but he has never given me a straight answer. He didn't give me an absolute, concrete answer, but he at least gave me a window of 2-3 years for the total process to be complete. I felt much better at least having some idea, but I still feel lost. I feel kept in the dark about everything.

I've told him that I want him to tell me when he talks to a lawyer or a counselor. I want to be kept in the loop, but he doesn't want me to get involved. I try to explain that if he doesn't keep me in the loop, I'm going to assume that he's not doing anything, that he is just stringing me along.

So, we got that all sorted out and now we are more on the same page, but we are going to talk more tonight.

But it gets even better. So my parents have been suspicious about me and Rich for a while, but they haven't come out and said anything to me. I have gathered this because I'm still on their phone plan (which is no longer true as of today) and someone was trying to listen to my voicemail messages. I checked my voicemail because my cousin called and it said there were 3 unsuccessful tries to get into my voicemail. I promptly changed the password and hope that they didn't listen to all of my messages.

I'm rather pissed about this because I feel like they are treating me like I'm a teenager again when I'm 25. I've had my own apartment for years, paid off my own car, and have held a steady full time job for quite a while now, and I had trusted them enough to not go snooping into my personal business when I kept my cell phone plan with them.

But now that I'm positive they have been snooping, I'm going to fully emancipate myself from them. No more having my doc call their house. No more prescriptions being called to their house. No more cell phone bill going thru them. No more sending packages to their house. I'm sick and tired of it.

The part that irks me the most is that I realized this is nothing new. I didn't even have a fighting chance growing up. My parents didn't put their trust in me simply because I was a child. I remember one time, the cat had thrown up under my bed, so I had my window open to clear out the stench till I could clean it up. They didn't believe me. They threatened to give me a drug test and punish me. I kept telling them to look under my bed to see the cat puke, but instead they tore through my room, looking for cigarettes and drugs. I was in freaking 8th grade.

I will admit later on I did smoke cigarettes and pot, but I had lost trust that they trusted me, so I didn't bother to care. I had straight A's, maybe an A- here and there. Yet, they still didn't trust me.

I can definitely see that their lack of trust in me has caused me to be wary of others. I have some girlfriends I have known for over a year now and I still don't trust them. They haven't done anything wrong to hurt me, but still I don't trust them. I don't fully trust Rich, but I trust him more than anyone else.

Thanks Mom and Dad for screwing me. You turned out a real peach of a kid. It's gonna sure bite you in the ass.

More updates later...

Thanks for reading.

Katy